The holiday season brings family gatherings and opportunities for connection, but it can also lead to situations where personal boundaries are tested. Setting and maintaining boundaries with family, especially if you’re in recovery, can make the holidays more enjoyable while also helping you reach your recovery goals.
Why Setting Boundaries Matters
Boundaries are ways to maintain healthy relationships and protect your emotional well-being. During the holidays, family expectations can sometimes lead to uncomfortable situations or feeling overwhelmed. Whether it’s dealing with intrusive questions, unsolicited advice, or pressure to engage in activities that don’t align with your needs, setting boundaries is a way to communicate your limits and protect yourself from emotional stress.
For those in recovery, high levels of stress can lead to setbacks on this journey. Setting clear boundaries helps safeguard your progress.
Identifying Your Boundaries
Before setting boundaries, it’s helpful to identify what you need to feel comfortable during holiday gatherings. Consider what aspects of family get-togethers make you feel stressed or anxious. Is it the pressure to drink alcohol or use other substances? Is it intrusive questions about your personal life? Once you pinpoint what tends to be problematic, you can set specific boundaries to address those issues.
Examples of boundaries you might need during the holidays include:
- Limiting the time you spend at gatherings.
- Declining to discuss certain personal topics.
- Saying no to activities that make you uncomfortable.
- Declining to consume alcohol or other substances while remaining firm about your recovery needs.
It’s also helpful to prepare yourself for conversations around these boundaries in advance. Practicing them can make it easier to assert your boundaries in the moment, especially if you anticipate pushback.
Handling Pushback from Family
It’s not uncommon for family members to push back when you set boundaries, especially if they’re used to having open access to your time and energy. Here are some ways to handle resistance while maintaining your boundary:
- Stay firm and reiterate – If a family member tries to push your boundaries, repeat your statement calmly. For example, if someone continues to ask about your personal life after you’ve asked them not to, you can say, “I understand you’re interested, but I really don’t want to talk about that right now.”
- Offer an alternative – Sometimes, offering an alternative topic or activity can help redirect a situation. For example, if you’re asked to stay longer than you’re comfortable with, you could say, “I can’t stay late, but I’d love to catch up over lunch sometime soon.”
- Use “I” statements – Expressing your boundaries through “I” statements helps avoid sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying, “You’re making me uncomfortable,” you could say, “I feel overwhelmed when the conversation goes in this direction, and I’d rather talk about something else.” This keeps the focus on your feelings rather than placing blame.
Examples of Healthy Boundaries
Here are some specific boundaries you might consider setting during the holidays and how you can communicate them:
- Limiting time spent at gatherings – “I’ll be joining for dinner, but I’ll need to head out afterward to make sure I get enough rest.”
- Avoiding conversations about recovery – “I’m focusing on staying present and enjoying the holidays, so I’d rather not talk about my recovery journey today. I appreciate your understanding.”
- Declining alcohol or other substances – “No, thank you. I’m not drinking anything today, but I’d love some of that sparkling water you have!”
- Refusing unwanted help or advice – “I appreciate your concern, but I have a great team supporting me, and I’d prefer not to get into it right now.”
You don’t need to over-explain or apologize for your boundaries. Keep your statements simple and clear, while maintaining a respectful tone. Instead of focusing on what you can’t do, emphasize what you are willing to do. For example, say, “I’m happy to stay for dinner but won’t be able to join for the late-night activities,” rather than simply stating, “I can’t stay late.”
How to Maintain Boundaries During Holiday Events
Setting boundaries is one thing—maintaining them during the chaos of holiday gatherings is another. If things start to feel overwhelming, it’s okay to leave. Communicate your limits ahead of time by letting your family know that you may need to head out early if you feel stressed. Having an exit plan in place can help you feel more in control.
If possible, bring someone with you who knows your boundaries and can help you uphold them. Having an ally can make a big difference in managing difficult situations. If you need a moment to recharge, take a short walk, find a quiet room, or step outside for fresh air. Taking breaks can help you regain your composure and maintain your boundaries effectively.
The RCA Team Is Here to Support You This Holiday Season
Whether you’re navigating recovery from alcohol, drugs, or other substances, or simply trying to make the holidays less stressful, these tips can help you maintain a sense of balance and joy during the season. By prioritizing your well-being, you’re able to create deeper and more meaningful connections with the people you love.
If you’re not part of a recovery community, need help on your journey, or don’t know where to begin with ending an addiction to drugs or alcohol, RCA is here to help with 24/7/365 admissions to treatment. This holiday season, make your health a priority. Call 833.926.5486 or connect with us online to get started.
