Alcohol use disorder affects the whole family, not just the person struggling with addiction. If you have a family member struggling with alcohol addiction, it can be challenging to know how to support them without enabling their behavior. Learning what enabling behaviors can look like, setting boundaries, and seeking support for yourself are all steps you can take to help your loved one without enabling them.
Recovery Centers of America is here to support you and your loved one in accessing treatment that can lead to lasting recovery. Intervention services, alcohol detox, residential treatment, outpatient programs, and ongoing alumni support are just some of the resources we offer for families affected by addiction. Call 1-800-RECOVERY today to learn more.
Enabling vs. Supporting: What’s the Difference?
Enabling refers to intentionally–or unintentionally–protecting someone who is struggling with addiction from coming to bear the full consequences of their actions. Enabling behaviors can often stem from a place of love and wanting to help someone you care about. However, these behaviors can worsen addiction by allowing the person to continue their destructive behavior without consequences. Some examples of enabling behaviors include:
- Making excuses for their alcohol use or covering up for them
- Giving them money or bailing them out of financial trouble caused by their addiction
- Ignoring or denying the problem
On the other hand, supporting someone means encouraging and assisting them in getting help for their addiction while also taking care of your own well-being. This may involve setting boundaries, seeking therapy or support groups, and holding your loved one accountable for their actions.
Five Signs You’re Enabling a Family Member
1. Unhealthy Financial Support
Individuals struggling with alcoholism can sometimes exhibit manipulative behaviors in their efforts to fund their drinking habits. They might request money for various needs such as car payments, rent, or groceries; however, they may end up using most of it for alcohol. A helpful approach is to refrain from giving money directly to loved ones dealing with alcohol use disorder. If they need help paying for a specific bill and you want to help, see if you can get the billing info and pay it directly, or buy groceries and drop them off instead of supplying cash.
2. Putting Their Needs Before Your Own
This can be as simple as negating your own emotional well-being in order to care for a family member. Putting their needs above your own is another way of enabling them. Consider attending support groups or therapy to work through your own feelings and set boundaries that prioritize your well-being.
3. Lying to Cover Up for Their Actions
Family members can be coming from a place of love in wanting to help appear that everything is normal. Helping to project a normal image to the world is, however, a form of enabling, though it may seem innocuous. It’s crucial to address the problem head-on, get help for your loved one, and set boundaries instead of trying to hide the issue.
4. Blaming Others for Their Behavior
Alcohol addiction is a complex disease, and it’s not caused by any single person or event. It can certainly be worsened by the actions of others, but placing responsibility for their drinking on another person does not help. It’s important to acknowledge the role your loved one’s choices play in their addiction and avoid scapegoating others for their actions. It’s also critical to focus on encouraging safe behaviors as opposed to assigning blame.
5. Acting Out of Fear
Addiction can create complex and even scary circumstances. Take, for example, the emotions you would feel choosing to leave a loved one in jail for a week or two instead of posting bail for them. While it may seem like you are helping by bailing them out, your actions only serve as a buffer and reinforce the behaviors. It may feel cold, but being logical and avoiding fear-based decisions is crucial to move your family member toward getting clinical help for their addiction.
Three Ways Family Members Can Help a Loved One with Alcohol Addiction
1. Do Research and Educate Yourself
Understanding the patterns and dynamics of an addiction can help you be better prepared when the time comes to deal with the consequences. The more you know, the more you can anticipate. We absolutely encourage family members to attend counseling or local Al-Anon meetings to help with the weight of dealing with a loved one who struggles with alcohol addiction.
2. Host an Intervention
Real-life interventions aren’t like those seen on TV. They are performed under the guidance of a credentialed interventionist who can help you and your family members stay composed as you confront the person struggling with addiction while still demonstrating how much you all care. Intervention services from RCA have a 90% success rate in getting people into treatment, and it’s worth the effort to try.1
3. Set Boundaries
You are not required to bail out, cover-up, or forgive a family member’s actions. Setting and sticking to clear boundaries can help hold your loved one accountable for their behavior and encourage them to seek help for their addiction. It also protects your own well-being by preventing enabling behaviors and codependency.
Looking for Help for a Family Member? Call RCA Today
If you have a loved one struggling with alcohol addiction, know that there is support available for both of you. From intervention services to our range of addiction treatment programs, Recovery Centers of America is here to help your family find lasting recovery. Contact us today at 833.926.5486 or reach out online to learn more about how we can support you and your loved one on the journey toward a healthier, happier life without alcohol.
Source:
1. Recovery Centers of America – Addiction Intervention Services
